Overcorrecting: Are We Fixing the Problem or Creating a New One?
Humans are an amazing species, always looking to improve on the thinking and actions of the previous generation. I believe that at the heart of humanity is the desire to be the best we can be, but how to go about doing that can be unclear. Each generation seeks to right the previous generation’s wrongs, avoid the failures of previous relationships, or find what was missing in a previous job.
Unfortunately, we tend to overcorrect, swinging from one extreme to another in our efforts to make what is deemed “wrong” into something right. For example, when we recognized that a generation of overworkers may have struggled with absent parenting or poor health, the answer became self-care. But self-care can quickly become selfish care when personal indulgence takes precedence over genuine well-being. It seems that in our quest to fix what’s broken, we often replace one problem with another.
To find balance in our lives, it’s important not to swing the pendulum so far in our efforts to correct what is hurtful or wrong. Instead, we need to make thoughtful adjustments. For instance, calling people hurtful names is harmful, and calling women the “B” word is especially offensive. In an effort to reclaim power over this word, women have started using it with one another. But this raises a crucial question: Is it easier to normalize hurtful behavior than it is to stand against it? Does overcorrecting allow us to avoid the hard work of setting and maintaining boundaries?
Each generation faces these challenges. For instance, my generation grew up with very little parental supervision. We were expected to figure things out, get chores and homework done, not get into trouble while our parents were at work, AND definitely be home before the streetlights came on! In response, many of us became helicopter parents, watching over our children’s every move. We were not going to be absent! And in some cases, we robbed our children of problem-solving skills and the confidence to figure things out for themselves.
The same pattern applies when we aim for “better” rather than “different.” In some cases, “better” is not a good enough standard. If you were raised in an abusive home, better may just mean less abusive. In this case, an appropriate standard would be “different.” However, different shouldn’t mean swinging to an extreme; balance is key! To avoid repeating abusive behavior, we don’t have to stop holding others accountable. We can communicate clear expectations and boundaries respectfully while following through with healthy consequences when those expectations and boundaries are not respected.
Instead of overcorrecting by doing the opposite of what we perceive as wrong, we should strive for balance. Reflect on what is worth keeping, what needs improvement, and what might need replacing. Don’t throw out the good in a rush to discard the bad. Improvement doesn’t require starting over; it requires thoughtful, measured change.
-Dr. Jennie
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