Accountability Begins with the Words We Choose
Words matter! The words we speak to ourselves and to others have power. They have the power to lift someone up, tear someone down, or offer gratitude, love, and forgiveness. Words can give joy or steal it. They can give hope or take it away. In an effort to be more intentional with their words, I have heard people make resolutions to “stop cussing” or say daily positive affirmations to themselves.
While these things are valuable and important, there is one word that is often overlooked and that I frequently hear during sessions with clients: “mistake.” While there is nothing inherently wrong with the word, it can have a much bigger impact on our psyche than we may realize. It can inadvertently act as a pause button for our growth. Let me explain.
Mistakes are often seen as unintentional missteps that can happen again, like accidentally drinking caffeinated coffee when you meant to choose decaf. You might think, “Oops...hopefully, I won’t make that mistake again.” Our brains are constantly processing the language we use, and labeling something as a “mistake” can subtly strip away our power or, worse, our responsibility to change our behavior.
Using the term “mistake” can lead us to minimize or avoid taking full responsibility for our actions. When we hurt someone else, calling it a mistake can also feel dismissive. It is a way of saying, “I didn’t mean to,” but intent does not undo the harm caused, whether emotionally, psychologically, or physically. Calling our hurtful actions mistakes can communicate that what happened was outside of our control. It can make us unsafe and allow us to remain in denial about choices that may be harmful to ourselves or others, or choices that keep us from pursuing our goals and creating real change.
On the other hand, framing our actions as “decisions” promotes accountability. Saying, “I made a poor decision that hurt me” or “I made a poor decision that hurt you” acknowledges our power to choose differently moving forward. It communicates a genuine intention to make different choices. Recognizing that our decisions are within our control makes it clear that simply calling something a mistake does not make us less responsible. Common phrases like “everyone makes mistakes” or “nobody’s perfect” can trap us in a cycle of repeated behaviors and stagnant thinking.
Again, words matter! What we say to ourselves and others has a lasting effect. The language we choose creates the framework for our reality and influences those around us. By developing the habit of speaking words that align with our best intentions and values, we create a ripple effect that extends far beyond the moment. Our words can contribute to greater empowerment, empathy, and connection.
Today, embrace the word “decision.” Ask yourself: What decisions am I making that are leading me in the right direction? Which decisions have been harmful to me or others? What new decisions can I make today to create better outcomes?
You got this!
Dr. Jennie
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